Words and Music
by Vertigo Selkate
Summary: Roxy deals with the fallout of "Roxy Rumbles" and gets more than she bargained for.


Words and Music

By Vertigo Selkate

Disclaimer: Jem® & the Holograms™, The Misfits™, and The Stingers™ are owned by Hasbro® © 1923-2010. All rights reserved. This unauthorized non profit non commercial work is not an authoritative view of the characters herein and used without permission. The thoughts and opinions found in this work are not necessarily those of Hasbro®, FanFiction(dot)Net, or that of their mother's. This work has no intention of diluting, devaluing, exploiting, or depriving the money making of Hasbro®'s trademarks, copyrights, and/or other properties. Any resemblance to anyone alive or dead is purely coincidental, unless of course the author states otherwise. This work was created by Vertigo Selkateπ © 2010. Mmm pie. All rights reserved. The author kindly requests potential archivists ask permission before rehosting or reposting this work. All attempts at humor within this disclaimer are nonexistent and are actually caused by the small computer chip in your brain malfunctioning. You should get that checked.

I looked at the clock, but couldn't make out the numbers. My eyes were playing tricks on me once again. My body felt weak and was covered in muggy sweat remembering the past few days in vivid detail.

I was gonna show them. I was gonna show them all. The Misfits, those annoying Holograms, Eric, the blasted music industry, my folks, the Red Aces, Philadelphia, the world. They were all gonna to get a taste of my fist. After all, it was what they deserved. Everyone seems to get all the luck except me.

So, when it finally came to me in that lotto ticket, I knew what I had to do. I was going to make my own single. That would make the Misfits come crawling back. It took a while to find anyone because I was still signed at Misfit Music and can't read or write music, but there it was. A demo and music sheets produced from my own money. I had a great new look and was going to Philadelphia to set up a free smash concert. It was going to blow everything out of the water!

But, it seemed like it was a big trick at my expense. They ruined it. My own people. Jem's face reminded me of the time I first met Jerrica and she called Pizzazz, Stormer, and I "trash." Didn't matter that she didn't hear our music or bother to hear Stormer and I, she took one look at us and decided we were trash and that was that. Exact same face. The other four of them were trying to drill a hole into my head with their eyes. If there was a human garbage disposal, they would throw me in, while the Red Aces would stare at Jem mesmerized. They didn't seem to understand that the Jem concert at Philadelphia would be armed to the teeth so they could have the privilege of being treated like cattle while the bimbos preached how important it was to be like them. They didn't realize when they left me to go to their table they plunged a dagger in my heart.

When I got home, Pizzazz continued to party and parade me around like a trophy. Jetta was quiet, which meant she was trying to find out exactly what happened to use for ammunition. I wanted to kick Eric's ass. His cat grin was getting annoying. While Stormer was breaking the small piece of my heart left with her puppy dog eyes. I hate how she does that to me. I already feel miserable. I don't need her to make me feel miserabler! And she knows I'm no good at touchy feely crap.

I stood up and stared at my phone with the message mocking me. I couldn't help but press the play button again.

"Hey, Roxanne. It's Link. I forgive you for runnin' off like ya had fire in your pants, the Misfits must be pretty busy," He chuckled slightly. "What we get for runnin' out on ya anyway, sorry." His voice became lower with every word. He rarely ever apologized for anything.

"Just wanted to let ya know, after Jem's concert, that little girl BaNee you were hanging out with was almost attacked. Don't worry. I knocked him out real good. I think their tour is gonna be canceled. She really seemed ta like you and I think she'd like a phone call from ya. I got their number from Kimber. You're right, she and Jem will go after anyone with a dick...not like you."

I sat on my bed, holding my knees as he rattled off some numbers.

"So, me and the guys missed you. When will you and the Misfits be touring again? Be sure to give me call. I'm calling from Carl's Autobody and he doesn't mind me receiving a call from ya now and then. Ya looked great. Nothing like when you left. Hope them Misfits are takin' good care of ya."

I pulled my hands into fists so tight my nails felt like little pins in my palm. I was half waiting to see pools of blood on my blankets, as red hot angry tears poured out of my eyes. My brain was assaulted with emotions. Pizzazz and Jetta treated me like crap and were going to continue to treat me like crap because I had to come back...damn contract. BaNee almost getting hurt on the bimbos latest slave driving campaign and proving once again how disconnected they all are from reality...if I ever see another Starlight Girl being an usher again it'll be too soon. And why the hell do I care about a girl whose name I didn't quite remember until Link called? Stupid book. Damn it, Rox, you're supposed to be tough as nails, not tough as finger nails! I thought for sure Link would be over me after a good two years. Yet, the whole time I was there with the Red Aces he still looked at me the same way. Doesn't he realize how much it hurts me that I can't respond to his feelings? It would have made my life a hell of a lot easier and happier if I could. Instead, I'm cursed with images of her in my head.

I quickly stood up and grabbed the phone, chucking it across the room with a satisfying smash, hearing the end of my own loud shriek. I felt a sudden moment of clarity, a single thought ringing in my head. I should get drunk! I straightened out my baggy oversized shirt and shorts slowly walking down stairs in the dark. Last thing I needed was Jetta and her tiny bladder waking up. Pizzazz was gonna be pissed after finding me at the minibar with half of daddy's stash gone, but it didn't really matter as I was gonna to be too pissed to care! Hey, it's not my fault I have a high toxicity to alcohol. Who the hell gives a crying kid beer anyway? Thanks, mom. I suppose I shouldn't be too harsh, she did give me the best gift a girl could ask for...self loathing the gift that keeps on giving. Thanks again, ma.

I got down to the kitchen only to see her outside near the pool. The sliding door was open and I could feel the wind hitting me through the screen. The combo of the porch light and the moonlight hitting her face gave her a warm alluring glow. She was looking at a piece of paper with a boombox on the nearby table, all the while her loose blue curls fluttering in the air. It was like watching a dream. I had to have stood there for a full minute until she turned in my direction and smiled half startled.

"Roxy, I didn't know you were there."

"Yeah, I...um, couldn't sleep, Stormer." I found myself walking over to her, nearly tripping over a chair in the process.

She looked somewhat concerned as I joined her outside, "You okay?"

I shrugged slightly as she put the paper back into a manilla envelope, "Ya come out here often?"

"Yeah, the stars are relaxing. Sometimes I'll write songs out here."

"See you're working on something right now," I nodded, "Mind if I have a listen to the demo?"

As I walked closer to her and the boombox, I could tell why she was so startled when she saw me. Her face told it all, I didn't need to read to tell the demo was mine and the piece of paper was the sheet music. I began to recoil to get ready to run away.

"Roxy, it's great."

I stopped and turned to look at her to see a genuine appreciation in her eyes. I wanted that expression to last forever, "Ya mean it?"

"Of course! I...I'm sorry, you just sort of left them out and curiosity got the better of me. It's wonderful! I take it, this is what you were planning in Philadelphia?" She motioned for me to sit next to her on the bench.

"Well, yeah. I mean it sort of worked out for you, didn't it? Create a big enough fuss and the Misfits come to get ya back on your terms. I figured a free concert along with the Video Madness blowup and the money I threw around at the studio would be enough to scare ya." I sat down next to her looking for approval in her eyes until I couldn't look into them without crying.

"Roxy...." She quickly threw her arms around me. The touch was electric and I couldn't help but shudder as I felt a whiff of her breath on my neck.

"Hey, le' go," I pushed her away, "What do ya wanna do, smoother me to death?"

"I'm sorry...for everything."

"Don't be," I laughed, "I've always had the shittiest luck."

We just sat there for a while in silence. Stormer had this look on her face like she wanted to tell me something, but didn't quite know how. While half of me wanted to hear it, the other half hoped she would keep it to herself. I was just starting to feel better and could tell this would do a number on my nerves.

"I...um...my stint with Kimber didn't go all that well, either. I...ruined it. I never felt so much pressure in my life. I missed you guys but it was okay because I was having so much fun. Once we needed Jem and the Holograms' help, she pretty much rejoined and I was just kind of there. They...they kept waiting for me to do something. I don't know what. Interviewers too. I really wanted to throw water on Linzee Pierce."

I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of Stormer throwing her complementary mug of water at Linzee Pierce. She giggled slightly before becoming serious again.

"I guess...I guess I felt lonely. Kimber and I were having a girls' night in together, I wanted it to be so simple. I...I kissed her, Roxy."

My mind began to race with those last four words and my body began to feel numb. I felt my mouth move a few times, but nothing managed to come out.

"Of course, Kimber is only interested in guys. I knew that before I kissed her. I realize now, I did it...I did it because I was upset with someone. Kimber says she forgives me, but I really hurt our friendship. Roxy, I really don't know what to do."

I felt her reach for my hand and hold it. Her hand felt so warm and I could feel little rhythmic electric pulses coming from my hand filling me up with...well, I don't know. All I knew was that I was getting uncomfortable with this. Quick change the subject!

"Ya had a fight with your brother?" I looked at her somewhat confused.

She smiled a bit sheepishly and began to blush, "No. Not really."

And then it dawned on me...oh shit!

"It's that bitch Jetta isn't it? Don't tell me you have feelings for someone like her!" Oh, no. That didn't come out the way I wanted.

"Jetta!" She giggled, "Where did you get that idea?"

I did my best swooning schoolgirl impression, "I love her accent!"

I felt my face starting to frown and my lower lip turning into a pout. I looked up into Stormer's eyes to see pain, an incredible amount of pain. I screwed up again.

"Well...she is very pretty, but once I got to know her I realized she isn't my type. But, you have to admit she is gorgeous."

"No she ain't! She's a beanpole with no boobs, a big nose, and a whiny accent. What's there to like?"

She chuckled slightly and looked at me with those bright blue eyes of hers. She didn't have to say anything. She was asking me my type with her eyes. This was a worse mindfuck then the time I told her I've never been attracted to a man and she was sometimes attracted to women. That I only went after Jeff because Pizzazz made fun of me. Why the hell did I tell her that? Stupid mindfuck conversations. My type is you, okay? My type is you.

"You." Oh shit, did I just say that?

She looked at me with this odd expression and I swear I could have knocked her over with a feather, "Hmm?"

"You..you know the stars..the stars are really bright out tonight. It's kind of unusual out here." Nice save, hopefully she buys it.

"Oh, yeah, you're right." She answered awkwardly.

Silence. Dead silence. It seemed to last forever and at one point Stormer let go of my hand. I felt like she took away my ability to breath. The warm fuzzy electric feeling was now replaced with stiff empty coldness.

She turned to look at me and said absentmindedly, "I wonder which one is the North Star?"

"That one." I pointed, "It's the end of the handle on the Little Dipper."

I felt her lean in to me as she grinned at me in surprise, "Really, I didn't know you knew any constellations! I've always wanted to learn. Where did you-"

"Ah, me and the guys had a lot of time to kill. Just the life style, ya know?" I turned to her to see a sympathetic look in her eye and I shook my head, of course she didn't know, "Well, sometimes some of us would crash the library when we couldn't get odd jobs. The Red Aces' HQ wasn't very good for heavy snow and rain. They left a big book on stars out with lots of pictures. I still had to ask the guys what each ones name was but it was really the only book I could really read so…"

"Do you remember any others?" She asked softly, much more softly than I anticipated. Then I realized I told her something big and it was the first time I ever even mentioned the Red Aces to anyone. I felt myself begin to blush. Just make sure when ya open your mouth you don't sound like moron, Rox! Don't reveal anything more!

"Um, yeah, of course. See, there's Orion." I stammered a bit harder than I would have liked as I pointed to it.

I felt her lean even further into me, until she was practically in my arms. The electricity was back with a vengeance causing me to shiver, "Oh, I didn't think it would look like that. Roxy, are you cold?"

She looked at me and it quickly became another staring match. Ones that often happened when she was helping me with lyrics and notes, and she'll get this weird look on her face and I would practically run out of the room. They had been getting more intense lately, but this was over the top. My first instinct was to run away like always, but she was too close for that, I'd topple over her. So, with dread I simply sat there and waited to see what would happen.

Suddenly with that odd look on her face, she licked her lips, and reached for the hand on my thigh. Another surge went through me, causing me to shudder and let out a sigh. Her cheeks turned bright red and she looked surprised, but began petting my hand. Why…why aren't you letting go? Looking into her deep blue eyes I felt lost, like I was losing myself to this unknown thing. She looked so beautiful in the moonlight, so fragile without makeup, her loose blue curls waving gently in the wind, and I could see the glint on her bottom lip from where she licked it. I just couldn't help it anymore. I closed my eyes, quickly grabbed her by the waist with my left arm, and leaned in. Forgive me, Mary. Just please forgive me.

I immediately shoved my tongue in her mouth. She tasted better than I imagined. Part of me hoped that if I just gave in I would regain some of myself. Instead I felt more of myself getting lost in aggressive waves. A piece of my sanity snapped back into place when I heard a muffled sound from the back of Stormer's throat. Oh crap! I'm killing her with my tongue! I just threw away the best friendship I ever had and now I'm fucking killing her! I pulled my tongue back, only to feel her tongue meet mine. Then I began to feel her kissing me back. She's kissing me back! I felt her let go of my right hand and begin petting my cheek. Am I dreaming? I slowly had the courage to peak open my eyes to see Mary's half open dark blue eyes practically smiling at me. I held her tighter in response. Then all of a sudden, the hand that felt so nice on my cheek felt like slithering hot coal snakes. The image of a small hand being shoved into a roaring fire by a slender adult hand began to fill my head. I stopped kissing and felt my body begin to shake in fear.

"Roxy, Roxy! Are you okay?" I saw her let go of my cheek, yet I felt no decrease in pain. It was then I heard myself hyperventilating. Get out! Run!

I quickly leaped from the bench onto the ground, almost knocking the table over but managing to succeed in making Stormer fall. My breath began to slow as I rocked myself in a small dark corner, staring at the little burn scar on my left index finger. Calm down, it happened a long time ago. Stupid kid, getting your hand burned and then touchin' your face. Shit! Shit! Shit! I just threw away a friendship for this weird thing and I can't even be touched without those images in my head.

I rocked back and forth beginning to hear my own voice, "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!"

"Roxy?" I heard her voice meekly squeak out.

"Just forget everything, okay? I ain't myself right now. Look, I know you only kissed back because you didn't want to hurt my feelin's and…" And you're making it harder on me.

I didn't hear anything from her so I continued, "I don't care who you have feelings for. Pizzazz, Eric, fucking Jem, I won't get in your way. I just still wanna stay friends, okay?"

"Roxy," Her voice was quiet but more steady, "It's you. The one I have feelings for is you."

I looked up to see her concerned nervous face. 'Upset with someone,' just before she left the Misfits for Kimber we argued. I yelled at her for bringing in her brother on a Misfits matter, that I didn't know she had been threatened with being kicked out and she could have come to me. She told me she tried but I was too frazzled and I didn't want to hear nothing. So, I screamed at her that she was a pathetic little liar. I was never sure if she left because of that or the song. Roxanne, you big idiot!

"Wha-? How long?"

She giggled slightly, "Long enough."

I nodded. I'm not sure when it first started with me, but I spent a lot of time with her practicing my lines for that blasted movie and when I held her hand during take off to China…yeah there was something there. It's just grown so much.

"I…um…I really don't know what to say."

She slowly crawled over to me, "Well…are you okay? You scared me."

"Yeah…er, I just ain't used to people touchin' me. I guess it was a little too much." I forced myself to laugh.

She looked at me with sad eyes, "Do you…do you still…um…just want to stay friends?"

I sat there for a while trying to think it all through before responding, "Look Mare I…just go back to Kimber, okay? Maybe she was just surprised or somethin'."

"But Kimber is straight and-"

"You'd still be better off. Who the hell wants someone who they can't touch without them freaking out? I…I just don't deserve you." The last words came out as a whisper and my eyes felt glassy like tears were going to fall at any second.

"Don't punish yourself, Roxy. You deserve happiness. We both do." She was trying her best to keep her voice steady but it cracked near the end. I did my best not to look at her but couldn't help peaking to see tears streaming down her cheeks. Why don't you get it? I've had to work for everything and still don't completely get what I want. You can't go around offering yourself on a silver platter to me! It can't be that easy.

I sighed slightly and answered quietly, "You know you could have anyone in this city if you wanted?"

"We can't choose who we lo-like," she responded as tears continued to fall and added with a whisper, "Hopefully, Kimber will find that out soon."

"Look, I'd…I'd like ta be with you." Saying those words were about as much fun as getting my hand stuck in a door but seeing her smiling face made some of the pain go down, "I just don't know if this is a good idea."

"You know I'd never hurt you." She gave me those big puppy dog eyes as she said it.

"I know." Why do you think I fell so hard for you? I groaned, "It's just…I'll hurt you. This isn't gonna be hand holding and skipping through the fucking daisies. I'll freak out on you like I just did. I'll say nasty hurtful things. You know I have no experience in this stuff, so I'll screw things up half the time. And I'm certainly not gonna tell you my shitty fuckin' feelings."

I heard her giggle gently, "Yeah, I know."

I closed my eyes tightly and rocked my back and forth in a tired way, "So, this is it huh?"

If I said no we would never be friends as close as we were, but if I said yes I would be making myself more vulnerable than I already am. If it doesn't work out, I'll be left with nothing. She might hate me for the rest of our lives. Do I really want to do this?

I opened my mouth to give her my response, but nothing came out. I've never been any good with words anyway. I lifted my head slowly with my eyes still closed, slowly inching it toward Stormer. My head and neck have never felt so heavy before in my life. Quickly, I found I couldn't move them anymore and opened my eyes to see her confused face. Suddenly, she recognized what I was trying to do and grinned wildly like I made her day, no scratch that, her year as she closed in for the kiss.

She initiated the kiss, but I quickly felt the need to take the lead. She felt so good and it was nice to just use lips. I wanted it to last longer, but I didn't want another episode. I heard her whimper as I broke off the kiss. She went to grab my hand but stopped.

"Is it okay if I touch you?" She asked apprehensively.

I quickly rolled my eyes, "Don't be like that, Mary! I'm fine. This ain't gonna work out if you pull that shit. Just assume I'm all right, okay?"

She chuckled softly, her eyes twinkling and both palms up in a stop position, "Okay, Roxy, okay. I just wanted to check."

She moved her right hand, which I just noticed had a watch on it from her knee and held my hand. That's when I saw it.

"Oh, crap. Look at that nasty scrape! I know I did that." I quickly let go of her hand and grabbed her right leg to get a closer look. Suddenly I noticed the pink panties between her legs. I couldn't take my eyes off of them and felt myself beginning to blush.

"Don't worry about it. It's not that bad really."

I quickly snapped back to reality, spat on her wound, and pushed her leg back so both of her legs were closed to me. She sat there with a perplexed smile until she blushed red in recognition and started giggling hysterically like a little schoolgirl.

Once she caught her breath and wiped the tears from her eyes she said, "You really are adorable sometimes, Roxy."

I gave her a raspberry in response. "First I'm a fucking delicate flower, now I'm adorable. Those things are you, Stormer, not me. I'm the mean scary biker chick."

She responded with a wide smile and opened her mouth to say something, when the wristwatch began beeping, "Oh, wow, it's awfully late. I need to go to bed soon if I'm going to make it to temple."

"Huh, tomorrow is Saturday? That week went by quick."

"Actually, today is Saturday and has been for a good couple of hours."

"Well," I pulled her up off of the ground, "I guess we should be going inside then."

She quickly walked over to get the boombox and envelope, turned to look up at the sky and murmured, "Finally."

"What's that?"

Stormer looked at me with embarrassed look, "N-nothing. It's nothing."

She walked past me into the kitchen as I closed the sliding door and turned off the porch light. "Ya want me to clean your wound?"

She laughed slightly, "I suppose that really isn't a question is it?"

"No." I laughed.

She quickly jumped up on the counter next to the sink as I got a paper towel, dampened it with faucet water, and poured some dishwashing soap on it.

I started cleaning her knee and quietly asked, "You want me to come to temple with ya?"

"Really?" she squealed happily looking at me with those bright eyes, "I thought you said you weren't into that dumb religion stuff."

I felt my bottom lip begin to pout, "Well, I still ain't, but you asked me a couple of times, and it means a lot ta ya, so…"

"No. No. I didn't mean it like that! I'm just surprised is all."

"Well, I mean I'm probably gonna sleep through most of it, but, um, I have some things I want to do before practice in the afternoon." I choked out.

"What about cartoons?" She grinned at me.

"Mighty Mouse is a rerun. I checked Pizzazz's T.V. Guide." I chuckled slightly and stuck out my tongue.

She gently swatted my arm and giggled, "So you'd rather be watching cartoons than spend quality time with your…girlfriend."

I went from laughing so hard my cheeks were turning red into a cold silence where we just stared at each other.

I broke the silence, "Um…wow. That word is gonna take some getting used to."

"Yeah." She started to blush when I noticed her slowly spread her legs apart.

"Hey!" I felt myself turn beet red and pushed my face up to hers until our noses touched, "The sweet and innocent one, huh? If only they knew."

"What? Me?" She asked with a devilish grin, "You're the bad influence."

We kissed each other gently on the lips. I pulled away to give her a kiss on the cheek and whispered in her ear, "So what if I am?"

She shuddered slightly as I threw away the paper towel, "I missed you."

"Huh? I was only gone a couple of days." I answered slightly confused but remembering the amount of pain I felt when Stormer left.

"No, well, I mean for a long time you haven't smiled. This is the most jovial I've seen you in a while. I was worried I would never see this side of you ever again." She responded quietly looking down at the floor.

I tapped my fingers and stared at the open doorway that led to the stairs. More emotional bullshit. It took me three steps before I realized I was walking away. I don't want to hurt her no more. I'm tired of causin' her pain. I stopped in mid stride, quickly hugged myself, and bitterly whispered, "Jetta."

Stormer hopped off the counter and slowly walked over to me holding on to a chair, "Roxy. Jetta likes you a lot."

"Sure, who else would she use as a verbal punchin' bag?"

"She held me while I cried."

I looked behind me to see her slowly walking to me with sad eyes.

"Pizzazz wrecked the studio after you left. I've never seen her like that. Crying, screaming, just wrecking everything in sight. I was crying constantly. Jetta…Jetta was in a daze. She would just stare off into space and whisper, 'I didn't think she would ever leave.' She would pat my back while I cried, just staring into space."

I let go of myself and couldn't help but crack a smile as I felt the warmth of her heart wrapping itself around me like a blanket.

"If Jetta really hated you then why has she been so quiet since you got back?"

I crinkled my nose and felt myself pouting again, "Ammunition. She's waitin' for me to get comfortable again and start revealing stuff."

She shook her head and smiled slightly with her eyes still sad, "If she hated you, she would be mocking you at every turn and telling you how much she loved you gone. Besides you always reveal more when you're agitated."

"Yeah, maybe." I grumbled slightly, "She sure has a funny way of showing it, though."

"Well, I don't think any of us are good with emotions."

"True." I nodded.

"I'm actually sort of jealous of what you have with Pizzazz." Stormer slowly walked closer to me, "Ever since you've been back she has to be next to you. She practically follows you to the bathroom!"

"It's pretty damn creepy."

"You have a deep connection with her. One I'll never have." She looked at the tile floor wistfully, "She has a hard time choosing between you and Jetta. She likes you both so much."

I cringed slightly, "She always seems to side with her, though."

"That's because she knows I'll always side with you. She didn't realize how much that hurt you, Roxy. That's why she wants you to sit next to her."

"Yeah. I suppose. It's annoying though. You think she'll drag me to another night club tomorrow? She's taken me to four this week!"

"It's been hard trying to talk to you. Pizzazz has always been there! You know, when I got home all I got was a party." She gave me a sad smile.

"Aww, Mare," I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her, "You know Pizzazz likes ya. Otherwise, she would have dumped you like…"

"Like Clash." She looked down into my eyes, "I know you feel bad about that."

"She could be a lot fun sometimes. I really don't know what to say Mary. I really don't know how to help with you and 'Zazz. Just know I'm always here for ya. Even when you don't think I am."

She put her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me. We stood there for a while in silence holding each other. I ran my hair through her blue locks while I felt her warm damp breath on my neck.

"Thank you, Roxy. Thank you for everything."

I felt my face scrunch up in confusion, "Huh?"

"When I left the Misfits, everyone was telling me things that you used to tell me. How smart I was, talented, pretty. I thought they were telling me these things because they wanted something from me, but Kimber said something to me that you would tell me all the time. Then I thought, maybe you're both right. Maybe I'm more worthy than I give myself credit for."

She had become more confident when she came back. Sometimes it hurt me. I felt like I should have played a part in that. She was always pretty, but she became so gorgeous the day she came back. To think I had a role in that, well I don't know what to think.

"You've helped me become a better person. I hope I can help you the way you've helped me." She stated in a small calm voice.

I could feel her cheeks become flush on my shoulder. I shuddered slightly and held her tight. She sighed gently as she began to rub my back. That's when I felt a knife plunge in my back. I dug my nails into Stormer's shoulder and began to shake.

"Roxy! Are you-"

"Don't let go. Just…don't let go." I gasped.

Slowly the image of a thug with a bloody ice pick began to dissipate replaced with Stormer's concerned face. I could finally feel her gentle hands again as I slumped into her arms. I wanted to jump up and down and yell on the top of my lungs that I was fine, but all I could do was wheeze, "Bad memory…okay."

She held me tight and kissed my cheek. I felt myself shiver as she whispered in my ear, "Thanks for the flowers."

I felt myself become rigid with my face flush as she giggled.

"White lilies. How did you know they were my favorite? I don't think I've ever mentioned that. I don't think Craig even knows."

"You…you get them every year for your birthday." I responded quietly and then realized I revealed more than I wanted, "Bu-but I didn't send you no flowers! I don't know what you're talkin' about!"

She grinned wildly, "Right. Which is exactly why you were able to figure out what I meant. Kimber kept teasing me about having a secret admirer. White lilies sent to every Kimber and Stormer concert, the delivery boy would say they were for me, but the card was always blank, and he said he didn't whom they were from. Once I rejoined the Misfits, the flowers stopped."

I felt myself turn bright red as I looked down at my fingers, twiddling them and pouting, "Yeah, well, don't get used to it. They cost a lot…your shoulder okay?"

Stormer chuckled slightly, still grinning like a cat, when she rubbed her nose against mine.

"It's fine. Come on. If you want to go to temple with me, we'll have to go to bed now."

She stumbled around in the dark looking for the boom box while I quickly walked over to where it was and grabbed it along with the manila envelope.

"How can you do that? You have nocturnal vision and forgot to tell me?"

"Ah, well, I've developed tricks for that. Kinda had to."

"I'm glad you have white hair. Otherwise I couldn't get out of here!"

I laughed as I held her hand and guided her upstairs.

"Roxy, you said you wanted to do something before practice. What is it?"

"Oh, yeah, I need to go to the toy store."

"Roxy, really-"

I accidentally yelled once I got at the top of the stairs, "It ain't for me! It's…it's for someone else."

"Do I know this person?" She asked somewhat suspiciously.

"Not really, no."

I could hear her giggle behind me as I got to our rooms across from each other. Suddenly I felt a stinging sensation across my ass. I let out a yelp and dropped the boom box with a loud clang. Turning around, I saw two big surprised dark blue eyes.

"Roxy, I-"

"You slapped my ass!" I pointed at her in anger.

She had her hands in the air, "I-I-It's just that you're so sensitive! I didn't mean to hit you that hard!"

"Oh really? You know what this means, don't you?" I wiggled my fingers in her direction.

"Oh no! Not that!"

"Oh yes," I reached out to grab her and grinned, "Tickle fight!"

She quickly moved out of my grasp and ran to the end of the hall, giggling all the way. I quickly followed, clipping a battery along the way. She tried to open the door on the left, but it seemed to be locked. That's when I grabbed her by the waist, slammed my back against the opposite door, and began tickling.

"I…stop…you know I'm…ticklish!" Her cheeks started getting red with laughter.

"Should have thought of that before, huh?" I chuckled and felt my hand brush against her breast, "I'm touchin' your boob! Oh…now I've touched your other boob!"

"Stop…the noise…the noise…it will-"

I felt her wiggling against me. I felt myself grinning, which probably looked rather devilish and lowered my voice, "Your ass feels nice against me."

Now I'll admit I'm not a very romantic person, but I'm usually rather truthful, and that was definitely true. I saw her turn beet red in response and felt her laugh harder. Just then I saw the light turn on in the locked room. I quickly tried to move out of the way, but just managed to pull Stormer closer to me, causing us both to fall. I felt a slight breeze as the door opened rapidly.

"Oh shit." I grumbled still trying to get that idiotic grin off of my face.

"Hi Mr. Gabor." Stormer squeaked out.

I looked up to see a confused old man with balding white hair wearing that god awful suit he seems to live in, "Hey Harv."

"Stormy and Rocker. What exactly are you both doing at this hour?"

It's been three years and he still can't get our names right.

He held out his hand to lift Stormer off of me, "Um…nothing…err…girls' stuff."

I couldn't help smiling as I pulled myself up from the ground. She looked and sounded like a little girl who just got caught trying to take a cookie.

He seemed to stare at me for a while in silence.

"Do I got somethin' on me?"

"Oh, no," He shock his head slightly, "I was just thinking how pretty you look when you smile."

I felt my face redden again as I grimaced.

"Doesn't she have the cutest dimples?" She giggled.

"I ain't cute!"

She laughed harder only to be joined by Harvey. I folded my arms in front of me and changed the subject, "We were just doing music stuff and got carried away."

He raised an eyebrow at us, "Okay, sometimes it sounds like a slumber party with all you girls around. At least, how I'd imagine slumber parties would sound like. Phyllis never had one."

"Why are you up, Mr. Gabor?"

"Oh, I have a busy day ahead. I have a business meeting, a review of financial holdings, and a tour with a Belgian corporation interested in a partnership. But, I don't want to bore you girls."

He began to walk past me and stopped, "Thank you. I really hated the idea of Phyllis starting this band and you girls moving in, but she's happier now. Thank you for helping my daughter when I can't."

Stormer and I stood there in silence as he began to walk away, his back slightly stooped over, probably from all those years hunched over his desk.

He turned on the light, "How can you girls see?"

"But…" I began to say, but decided it was pointless and simply walked over to the boombox, knelt down and began to put the scattered batteries back in it. Stormer was still walking over to me in contemplation when the door next to me jerked open.

"How many times do I have to-"

"It was me, chipmunk."

The door was now wide open. I could see Pizzazz standing there with her hideous stinky facial mask, black blindfold sitting on her forehead, long dark purple silk robe, and those goofy white bunny slippers she's been wearing since Stormer got them for her birthday.

"Daddy?" She clasped her hands and folded them over, "What are you doing?"

"I was about to go down stairs to have breakfast."

Her voice got higher pitched, "Oh, um, I was thinking of getting up. I could make you breakfast if you want."

He raised one of his eyebrows in response only to hear Stormer chime in behind him, "She's gotten better!"

"I-I don't want you to go out of your way. I was thinking of just having toast. I have a busy day today."

Her eyes narrowed, "You're always busy."

"I know. I'm sorry, chipmunk. Some other time?" He kissed the black blindfold.

"Yeah," She murmured, "Some other time."

She stood there, her lips stiffening, her eyes turning to tiny slits, and her body tensing as she watched him walk away.

When I stood up, Stormer was next to me. I leaned into her eye and whispered, "Scumbag."

She just cringed slightly in response. And here it comes! One, two, three…

"What are you two doing?"

"Err…uh…well…Roxy came up with this great song and-"

"She's talkin' nonsense!" I saw Stormer's body become rigid with an expression on her face of mixed with shock and sadness. Damn it! I screwed up again!

I tried to calm down a little and try again, "I mean I was just screwin' around and it's nothing ya want to hear."

Pizzazz raised her eyebrow, "Is this a personal project?"

"Kinda." I cringed.

"Pizzazz, you'd really like it! It-"

"It ain't done!" I shouted and quickly glanced at Jetta's door and frowned, "I'm not sure when it'll be done."

Stormer clasped her hands tightly. "I thought it would be nice for Roxy to perform it when we hit Philadelphia on tour. You know, like you let me perform "I'm Okay" alone for a couple dates. I…I mean that's why you went back home right, Roxy?"

Pizzazz looked down and to the right, then looked at her with a foul expression and began to wag her finger at Stormer, "I only did that because there were music critics in the audience and they love that wimpy song…and…and…" she turned to me, "That's why you went there?"

"Well…sort of. I kind of wanted ta go back there and show them up." I began to shake my fist seeing all the people back there that thought I was nothing flash through my mind.

"You…didn't tell me."

I looked down at the ground, "Yeah, well…I don't want to talk about it. It didn't go well."

I noticed her nodding with her left hand cupping her chin in thought, "Well, get the song done. I won't know if it's any good if I don't hear it."

'Poor Miss Number Two.' I'm sure she's gonna be thrilled hearing that. Great Mary, just great. Wait a minute! Did she just-? How did she-? How the hell did that happen?

Stormer looked down at Pizzazz's bunny slippers, "I'm glad you like them so much."

Pizzazz stretched both of her arms behind her back as if to scratch that hard to reach place, "They're comfortable."

I remembered when 'Zazz opened Stormer's gift with the most horrified look on her face and chuckled. She quickly pushed them out of her sight, causing the most devastated look on Mary's face. A week later she wore them at breakfast.

"I'm glad. You were always complaining about your feet being cold and having a hard time finding a good pair of slippers. I know they're a bit goofy, but they were the softest ones I could find."

"As long as I don't go outside with them and have the paparazzi catch me in them, they're fine." She answered dismissively but cracked a smile.

And that was that. Potential crisis averted. No more walking on egg shells. I saw Stormer's back begin to relax again as she returned the smile.

"So, you wanna go out again tonight? There's another club I still want to check out." She winked at me with a bigger smile.

"Well…" I really didn't want to go, but knew it was a bad idea to reject Pizzazz after she just got rejected. I'll never make that mistake again! "Okay."

"I was thinking of going to this place where there's supposed to be a lot of hot guys. Do you mind if I ask Jetta? I mean you're such a flopping wet fish when it comes to that sort of thing. You're welcome to come too, Stormer. It's been a while since we've all had a night out together."

"Really?" Stormer's eyes lit up. Since she isn't much for parties, 'Zazz usually doesn't bother asking her.

"Sure. What better way to show everyone that the Misfits are back and better than ever? Cool Trash is even starting to spread rumors that the three of you are going to quit on me. Morons." She chuckled slightly.

"What do you want us to wear?" Stormer asked nervously.

"Something sexy. I wanna show my girls off."

"But who is going to be the designated driver?"

The last time Pizzazz took a cab, it turned out the cabbie was really an employee of Cool Trash. He got a nice shot of 'Zazz with a buff black guy on one arm and a pretty Latina on the other. She had to pay him a pretty penny to make it go away.

"Me." I quickly rose up my hand, "There's only so many times it's fun to out drink a Hell's Angels member in a bet."

Pizzazz and I looked at each other and started laughing in a private joke.

Stormer looked at me slightly confused, "You finally got that driver's license?"

"Aww and dump the work of art Techrat made for me?" I nudged my head in Pizzazz's direction subtly asking her if she would rather Pizzazz drive.

"Got a twitch?" Pizzazz raised her eyebrow.

I waved my dismissively, "Sore neck."

She nodded in response and turned to Stormer with a big smirk, "So are you going to get piss drunk and throw up on the bouncer again?"

"I-I…but…" Stormer's face turned red with embarrassment as she stammered.

"Ah, don't worry," She waved her finely manicured hand and wrapped her one arm around Stormer's neck, "You only turn twenty one once. The only one who might not understand that is your dopey brother."

I felt 'Zazz's hand wrap around my neck, but didn't squirm as I was assaulted with memories of my twenty first birthday. I had been in California for a week and was still amazed to see no snow on the ground. I didn't have much more than my bass and a small hand held speaker rigged up to be an amp. I hit up every club that had open mic and even resorted to performing in the streets. That day someone gave me a lot of money, or what I thought was a lot of money anyway. I had enough for three days at a dump of a motel complete with roaches and the taco hut across the street had tacos for a dollar. It had been about a month since I last bathed. I remember vividly walking out of the shower with dingy brown water, a towel around me, turning on the T.V. and saying out loud, "My luck is finally changin'!"

Three days before that I had to fight off a guy at the shelter because he wanted to pawn off my bass for smack. He hit me real good in the side and it finally didn't hurt to sing anymore. I almost jumped a train back to Philadelphia that day.

Two weeks after my birthday, I heard a band was looking for a bass player. It was Stormer and Pizzazz.

Heh, maybe my luck changed a long time ago and I'm only starting to realize it now.

I snapped back to reality to see Pizzazz and Stormer staring at me. 'Zazz's arm felt hot and caused me to squirm slightly.

"Are you back now?" She wrapped her arm tighter, gave her evil grin that she used to tear into people, opened her mouth, but quickly closed it.

Stormer looked at me with those big worried blue eyes of hers, "Are you okay, Roxy?"

"I'm good. I just drifted off for a second."

"Roxy, I just wanted to let you know that the place I have planned is a fine establishment, so keep the property damage to the minimum."

"Aww," I pouted but quickly changed to a smile, "I guess I can do it for you, 'Zazz. You'll owe me one though."

She grinned at the response until we both noticed Stormer cover a yawn, "We should be going back to bed. We have our beauty sleep to consider."

She let go. Stormer and I reached for each other's hand. I felt that familiar tingly warm sensation again. Pizzazz gave us an odd look but instead said, "Don't be late for practice. And don't forget to-"

Stormer quickly turned off the light as Pizzazz closed the door.

Pizzazz told me once as a kid she was terrified of the dark and used to sneak into her father's room. He used to leave a bright light on in her room, but once a month it would burn out, so he used the same powerful lights to light the way to his room so she wouldn't be afraid of the hall. Sometime after her mother left, she needed total darkness. Ever since then she's been hyper sensitive to light. Seems to see it when it doesn't seem possible. Jetta learned about that the hard way when she put on an overhead light on to read during a long flight. Pizzazz stood straight up, grabbed a cup of water nearby, and threw it in Jetta's direction. She still had the blindfold on when she did this. Even as time goes by, it's still funny.

"Um…" Stormer broke the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Do you…do you want to sleep with me?"

Thunk! I felt the boombox slip through my fingers and fall to the floor.

"What?"

"No," I could practically feel the warmth caused by her blushing, "I-I meant just sleep in bed together. I thought it would be nice. I'm…sorry."

"I ain't ready for that." I quickly responded all the while thinking of how nice her hair smelled and how soft her skin felt, "I guess I've been makin' you wait for a while."

"Yeah," She looked down at the floor and seemed to be doing some sort of nervous swirly pattern with one of her feet, "But it's not fair to you."

"I'll live." I laughed.

Her voice became quiet, "I don't want to scare you."

"Pptthh!" I stuck out my tongue and did a raspberry, "What is this the Twilight Zone? I'm going to scare you most of the time. I'm okay."

We both chuckled. Then I had to mention the elephant in the room, "Mare, what are we gonna do about 'Zazz and Jetta? I mean you saw the look on Pizzazz's face."

"I don't know. I didn't want to pressure you into anything. I figured you would want to sort out your feelings first." Her voice became more nervous.

"Well yeah…"

She finished my sentence for me, "But Pizzazz would be hurt if we don't tell her."

"Well," I contemplated, "We're gonna have to keep things quiet 'cause of Cool Trash anyway. Ya know those Holowimps will use this against the Misfits."

"Roxy, they wouldn't do that."

"They would just be pleasing their bible slappin' fans."

She smiled slightly, "Kimber told me Jem has a lot gay fans. Men like to dress up like her at concerts. Besides Kimber thought it was kind of cool that I'm bi."

"Yeah she got to cross off two squares with you on the Multiculture Pals bingo sheet, bisexual and Jewish. Of course she loves you. I'm sure she's in the lead right now."

Stormer just laughed in response so I continued, "Let's hope for her sake none of the others bump into that red headed, green eyed, black Muslim lesbian. I mean who can top that right?"

"Really, Roxy, where do you come up with this stuff?"

"I don't know, I just sometime wonder what they do for fun. Now I know they scout their concerts to see how many fat sweaty guys dressed as Jem they can spot."

She laughed harder and put a hand on my back, "I've missed you so much."

Her saying that snapped me out of my mood. I started thinking of all the emotions I've felt since Jetta joined and wondered how I've affected Pizzazz and Stormer. I know some days I made Jetta's life a living hell. Will I ever know how I've hurt them? Do I really want to know?

"Anyway," I changed the subject back to the matter at hand, "I guess we'll just take things as come. Unless you've got a better idea?"

"No," she shook her head, "At least not yet."

"Well, I'll see you later then." I touched my door handle as I swung the boombox back and forth awkwardly.

Mary pouted, "Don't I get a kiss good night?"

Her words felt like stinging antiseptic medication in a festering wound. I felt like I've forced myself to be open so much already. I don't know. It just made me realize again how hard this was gonna to be.

I quickly went in for a little peck on the cheek, only to see her disappointed face. She made a slight move closer to me and then stopped like she wanted to kiss me but changed her mind.

"Good night, Roxy." She stepped back moving closer to the door.

"Night Mare," I opened my door to see my room in its usual state of disarray, now with new broken bits of telephone on the floor. I quickly looked at where my alarm clock normally was, on the table next to the phone, only to not see it there.

"Oh, uh…Mare, could you wake me up for temple? I…um-"

"I will. It's fine. I thought you got an alarm clock. How many times have I told you to get one?" She said with a smile, both feet now in her room, a hand still holding the door knob.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be sure to do that soon. Besides, I kinda forget when it is." Which was truce, but this time I remembered it was at ten.

I closed the door and quickly dropped the boombox and envelope on the floor to add to the pile. Sitting on the bed, I began to run through all the things I needed to do today, sleep through Stormer's temple service, buy BaNee something nice, call Link, buy another blasted phone, band practice, hang out with everyone at a night club, oh and find my stupid alarm clock!

I lied down with my head on my pillow and under the blankets, seeing Mary's look of disappointment on her face when I couldn't kiss her like she wanted me to. Her different looks of sadness flashed through my head like on loop like I was flipping through photographs, the same ones over and over again.

"Bloody 'ell!" I heard Jetta's screechy voice followed by quick thumping steps headed to the bathroom.

"Hey!" I heard Pizzazz yell. She must have turned on the light to get to the bathroom waking Pizzazz. It seems to happen at least weekly. Jetta seems to have dreams of waterfalls or something.

I chuckled slightly. It was never a good idea to wake Pizzazz. Then I saw Mary laughing, her cheeks rosy, and her eyes twinkling. Even though she wasn't in the room, I felt a sense of warmth. The image turned to when I agreed to be with her. I've never seen someone so happy. Hell, I've never seen her that happy…and I was responsible for that.

I closed my eyes and smiled. This is going to be hard, but if I can get her to smile like that again it might just be worth it. For the first time in a while, I'm glad to be me.


End file.
